Stone By Stone
by Little Hairy Eyeball
Summary: Season Seven, Buffy and Spike exploration - Now Complete!
1. Castle Walls

TITLE: "Stone by Stone" Chapter One - Castle Walls   
AUTHOR: Elise D.   
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle, or at least constructive.   
SUMMARY: Season Seven, Buffy and Spike exploration. Building up stone by stone.   
SPOILERS: Spoiler free, do I get a cookie?   
RATING: PG-13.   
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples.

---

"NO! For the last time, Anyanka, no! Leave it be, already" cried Spike in frustration. The former demon simply huffed. There was just no getting through to her, was there?

"A little wrestling? A little grunting, a little pain? It'll be enjoyable for me at least, I'm sure," said Anya, although the whining way in which she said "pain" seriously disturbed Spike to his very core.

"No. Not going to happen. Not ever. Just let it go. Now. I'm not interested!" begged the exasperated vampire.

"All I'm saying is, it would be fun. And if Buffy caught sight of the touching, she might get jealous, you could reconcile, and everybody would be satisfied!" she countered with a nod, agreeing with the brilliance of her own idea.

Spike sighed. This was getting ridiculous. For the past two hours she'd been nagging him. All he wanted was a quiet beer, was that too much to ask?

"Anya sweetness, the answer is no. I am not thumb wrestling with you. Surely there's someone else you can partner up with?"

Anya's face fell. Oh lovely, now what's he done? He thought it was innocent enough; unless she and the whelp were really into some truly freakish sex play, back in the day. He shuddered at the thought.

"Tara. She...I...we thumb wrestled. I thought it would be fun, to play it again. It always was fun, and it would have been..." Anya was at a loss for words, the pain of losing Tara, still fresh in her mind.

"...fun?" Supplied Spike. He gently patted Anya's shoulder, knowing full well how much pain the death of Tara had hurt her. Demons weren't immune to grief; he of all people should know that. And Tara and Anya were in it together. They were two significant others, watching the Scoobies from the outside. He knew that too, and that's when it hit him. He was bloody amazing when he tried.

"I do recall Tara having a thing for a thumb tussle. In point of fact, if I'm remembering correctly, a certain former key was often her opponent. Wouldn't be the craziest of ideas to approach the niblet, would it?"

Anya's face brightened considerably at the suggestion.

"Yes! Dawn! Dawn and I could thumb wrestle, and I could trounce her in honor of Tara. It would be fitting, in a way, don't you think?"

"Umm, yeah. Dead fittin', you're right as usual," replied the somewhat unnerved vampire. Never let it be said that he didn't have patience. He had all the patience of a bloody saint. Stupid, soddin...

"Soul?" said Anya, shaking Spike from his mini-brood.

"Eh, what? Sorry luv, I must have missed that last part," said Spike, eliciting an exasperated huff from Anya.

"I said when are you going to tell us all just how you got your soul? I'm sure it must make an interesting tale, with the cross continent traveling and the insanity and everything. Must be a doozy of a story. Maybe we could order pizza? And make popcorn."

"Oi! I'm not flipping Pay-Per-View. It was personal, and private, and basically none of your bloody business."

"Fine. Have it your way. Just stay Mr. Brooding Man, who's becoming a carbon copy of another souled vampire. See if I give a rat's patooty. I mean, if you don't care what the others are saying..." Anya trailed off, knowing full well she could bait him.

Spike just fiddled with the edges of his beer mat, trying to look nonchalant, and failing miserably.

"Well, I don't care. It's personal, and I'm not really in the sharing mood." He muttered, earning a patronizing nod from Anya.

"But, what have they been saying exactly? Just for curiosity's sake, of course."

"Of course," said Anya, patting his hand gently. "Well, there are lots of theories as to what really happened to you. For example, Xander thinks you got cursed, much in the way of Angel, and are simply covering because you will never have sex again, and therefore will never be revealed as a liar. Kennedy thinks you bought it with the goods acquired during your murderous days, and simply exchanged it in some shady demonic dealings..."

"And?" needled Spike, knowing full well that she was holding back.

"Well, and Giles thinks it was simply as you said. A few simple trials and bam, or "soul!" as it were. Only he thinks your hardships are a severe over-exaggeration, and you're, and I'm quoting now "spouting lies in some feeble attempt to be considered the dogs bollocks."" Anya frowned as she relayed Giles' drunken rambling. "And why on God's Green Earth would the genitalia of a canine be considered a good thing?"

"Right," said Spike as he got up from his seat and threw a few dollars on the table. "Round up the troops, we're having story time at Buffy's in an hour. Be there, or be left in the dark."

---

Spike looked around the room expectantly. The young potentials stared at him with a combined look of fear and awe; Xander had been too busy concentrating on not looking at Anya, and visa versa. Willow had that damn look on her face. The one that made him worry she'd forcibly wrap him in a blanket and sing lullabies. But it was nice, so he'd given her a little smile that she happily returned. Giles stared off into space, a furrowed brow and absence of glasses indicating that he'd managed to give the watcher some food for thought, while Dawn passed tissues to the sniveling Andrew. None of it mattered. None of them mattered. The one person he wanted to get a reaction from had studiously stared at her feet, not daring to make eye contact with her former lover. Fabulous.

"That was the most noble, and wonderful thing I have ever heard," announced Andrew with a sniffle, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah, pretty cool. I'm proud of you Spike," agreed Dawn with a smile, causing Spike to smile sheepishly.

"I hate bugs, especially crawlin' on me. 'Orrible," contributed Molly with a shudder. Spike chuckled internally. It's always nice when you can still cause young girls to get nightmares, even if it is over acts of moral valence.

The crowd finally dispersed, and he received an unexpected nod from Xander. Well, it was as close as he'd ever get to a handshake, and that suited Spike just fine. They have an understanding, and the acknowledgement from Harris probably meant more than he realized. The slayers just ogled him as he headed for the kitchen. It was a little strange, but he added an extra wiggle in his walk, just to goad the schoolgirls on. Well, soul or not, he's still a little evil.

He stopped short as he entered the kitchen, the door swinging silently behind him. She was there. Buffy. Standing over the sink, staring into nothing. He didn't know whether he should say anything, or just leave her in peace, but she made that decision for him.

"That was hell of a tale, Spike," she noted, her eyes never leaving their vigil of the garden outside.

Spike shrugged. A silent response, but she heard it none the less.

"So the moral of the story is what? Hit rock bottom, and get some human nature? Run away and gain a soul?"

"Buffy..." Spike tried to interject, but her shoulders tensed in protest.

"No, Spike. Just...I know what it means. It means that a soulless demon is capable of love, and will go to the ends of the earth to prove it. Blah dee blah, I get it. A vampire will forcibly seek out a soul to make the woman he loves happy."

"You say it like it's a bad thing, love."

"Well, considering the girl in question has been loved by two vamps, it's not the best news she's heard all week, no." She turned to face him, her face a picture of pain and torment. The sight left Spike speechless.

"You did it. He couldn't. What does that say? About me, about him, about you?" she asks with earnest eyes, silently begging him to rationalize the torment inside her.

"Well, it says I'm a bloody glutton for punishment, probably," he replied, trying to lighten the mood and ease her pain. It didn't work though, and she shook her head before making her way to the back door.

"Yeah Spike, it does." He tried to approach her, but she waved him off, the emotions she's suppressing showing obvious signs of breaking through her thin shell. "No, just...don't, okay? I...I just can't right now," and just like that she's gone, the back door slamming loudly behind her.

Spike sighed, and rubbed his eyes. Well, that didn't go exactly as expected. Not even close. Stupid poetic notions of his, no wonder he was always disappointed in life. He turned to head back into the living room and the obvious grilling that would come from Ripper, but he didn't have to go far.

"Well, Spike," said Giles; standing in the spot that he had overheard the entire conversation from. "You really loused that one up but good, didn't you?"


	2. Given Half The Chance

TITLE: "Stone by Stone" Chapter Two - Given Half The Chance  
AUTHOR: Elise D.   
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle.   
SUMMARY: Season Seven, Buffy and Spike exploration. Building up stone by stone.   
SPOILERS: Spoiler free, do I get a cookie?   
RATING: PG-13.   
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples.

---

"Well, how was I to know that it would all come back to the great poof?" asked Spike, as he poured himself another drink. Giles simply gave him a look. The look, actually; the one that says, "For God's sake, think." He'd been getting that look a lot.

"It's not a matter of things being about Angel, Spike. You're not seeing the big picture, here. This is about Buffy, and her failed relationships. You should have realized that you gaining your soul would make Buffy connect the dots. Of course she's going to compare it, and as much as I'm loathed me to admit it, this puts you in a much better light than your mentor."

Spike nodded in understanding. It's not like he was planning on crawling back in the slayers bed, but should it ever be a consideration, then he had something working for him. Well sorted.

"You touch her, you're dust," said Giles noticing the wheels in Spike's head start to turn. There was no malice in his voice, it was just a factual statement, and Spike had to admire it.

"Got no intention of it, Rupie. Her virtue is as strong as ever. No worries there, mate. But I'm not going to stop being with her. She needs her friends, and that's what I want to be." At the skeptical look from Giles, he added "and there will be no hanky panky in any way, shape or form. No worries. I'm not going to screw her up again. Or screw her. I just want to watch her back."

Giles nodded, and rubbed at his eyes. It was 2 o'clock in the morning, and he was drinking bourbon with a vampire who had a soul. Talking about the well being of his former charge, and the vampire's former lover. No wonder he was bloody fired from the council. He must have played havoc on Traver's blood pressure. 2 o'clock?

"Bloody hell, I've got to be at the airport in four hours!" he exclaimed. Well, this was going to be another stressful trip.

"Where to this time then, Giles? Darkest Africa, the cold Alaskan expanse?" asked Spike, earning an exhausted glare from the Watcher.

"Maryland, you prat. The coven located a young girl there, so I head out tomorrow. Well, today I suppose. Christ, I better try and catch a few before the wake-up call." 

"I think the word is "stampede" actually. I swear, we couldn't get a house of ballerinas? Girls light on their feet?"

Giles continued muttering and shaking his head, as he gathered his things and headed for the dining room/boy's dorm, leaving Spike to his solace.

Oh, buggar it, he'd go have a smoke instead. The last thing he needed was to be all thought having with no form of relaxant.

He headed outside, pulling the half-crushed pack of cigarettes from his pocket, and was tapping one out when he heard it. The voice from the other end of the porch, almost made him snap his smoke in two. He really was losing his touch.

"So, smoking isn't bad for the soul, or anything? I did notice that you'd quit for the longest while, so I had to wonder," said Buffy, as she approached the vampire and sat on the steps beside him.

Spike simply shrugged, too scared to say a word in case he set her off again. Instead he simply settled for lighting his cigarette, the flame of the lighter piercing the darkness. She looked remarkably calm, but he knew better than to make assumptions like that. She could go off on one, at any moment. So he'd sit tight and let her make the first move. Oh yes, because he was so well-known for his patience.

"Look Buffy…I'm…"

"Don't," said Buffy, flinching. "Don't you dare say you're sorry. You've got nothing to be sorry for. Me? I was a psycho back there, and I had no right to wig on you like that. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well. It's understandable. I know me gettin' a soul was a shock in the first place, and I doubt you were best pleased with me telling all and sundry about my exploits."

Buffy gave a tired sigh that came out as a laugh.

"Actually, story time was nice. Kind of like a camp fire tale, only with less beans and smores."

"But the boy made popcorn. I've never known anyone to be so infatuated with a microwave before. He's an odd duck, that one. And he tastes like Cheetos." Spike grimaced at the memory of biting Andrew, as did Buffy. Although, he doubted they were reacting to the same thing. The boy really did taste like a cheesy snack; it was flipping strange.

"What you did? It does mean a lot to me, Spike. Don't doubt that, K? I just…I have to process it all, and I've been having a hard time."

"No worries, Slayer. I get it. Nothing like a pesky looming apocalypse to take away from some quiet reflection," said Spike with a smile. "I didn't just do it for you though, if that takes some of the pressure off. I did it for Dawn, for me, for a lot of reasons."

The quiet revelation caused Buffy to look at him in confusion.

"Yeah, it's tragic I tell ya. Bein' a good guy is a truly contagious disease. Of course, yes. The main reason I got it was for you. So you wouldn't have to worry…So I wouldn't do…" he trailed off with a shake of his head. "I did it for all the right reasons, that's all I'm saying."

Buffy smiled, and put her small hand over his.

"I understand, I do. And if it's any consolation, I think it was a very brave thing to do."

"Yeah?"

"Totally cool," confirmed Buffy with a smile, that a relieved Spike returned. 

---

  
"What do you think they're talking about?" asked Xander, as he craned his neck to get a better look at the two figures sitting on the porch.

"Wild guess, Harris, I'd say his soul," said Anya with a roll of her eyes. They stayed quiet for a few minutes, and she continued to dry the large mass of dishes, and Xander patiently waited for the subtitles to begin on the porch light conversation.

"I still can't believe what he went through, for her," said Xander with a sigh.

"He loves her. It's pretty straightforward. He wanted to be a better man, so he went out and changed. Literally."

"But after what he tried to do…"

"Xander Harris!" Anya exclaimed, throwing her dishtowel down in exasperation. "You just don't get it, do you? He loves her more than anything, and he knew the demon inside him was a problem. So he fixed it. He's suppressed the thing so that nothing like that would ever happen again. Do you realize how lucky Buffy is? To have someone who'd make that effort?"

"Some demons can't be suppressed Ahn, that's the problem," he replied absently, causing a look of pain to cross the former demons face. Of course, he couldn't see it, being too busy watching on of his best friends hold hands with a vampire.

"They're touching!" he exclaimed, as his brain finally caught up to the sight before him. It caused Anya to run over and peek herself, but she quickly turned away with a disappointed sigh.

"Oh. I thought there was naughty touching. That's nothing. That's just a supporting gesture. Actually, that's a good sign for Spike, if I ever saw one," she noted with a cluck of her tongue.

Xander wrinkled his nose at her observation.

"You don't think that she…that they?"

"Will get back together? I don't know, there's way too much history there. Fix some of their problems from last year? I'd say yes. They're both making an effort. They've both admitted their faults and are trying to work through it. It's important to do that," she said, her eyes imploring him to understand what she was saying.

He got it. He wasn't stupid. Just because women were a mystery to him, and he was a bit of a geek didn't mean he was completely blind. He could see just fine.

"Ahn. Sometimes it's not that simple. Some things just can't be explained."

"Oh, that's crap Harris, and you know it," said Anya with a shake of her head. "You're too scared to tell me what went wrong, and you're trying to gloss over it. I won't have it, I won't. I deserve better." And with that final thought, she stormed off, leaving Xander alone in the darkened kitchen.

"Well, you really are a bloody stupid sod, aren't you?" asked Spike, who had silently entered the kitchen.

Xander whirled around to face him, his hand clutched at his chest.

"Sweet crap, Spike! You almost gave me a heart attack. Don't sneak up on people. In fact, you should hum when you enter rooms. I say this for as much your sake as mine. You might be saved a stake through the chest, if all the potentials know you're coming up behind them.

Spike chuckled and gave a curt nod. 

"Message received, Xander. Nice to know you care," he said, as he pushed into the room and made a beeline for the fridge.

"I don't care, I just…hurry up and leave, would you? I have to think…thoughts, and I can't do that while you're sitting around and smirking at me. It's unsettling."

Spike turned to Xander, and just studied his face for a moment, before shaking his head and looking into the fridge.

"You know what else is unsettling?" he asked, his eyes never leaving the fridge shelves. "Prats who can't see what's right in front of them. Women in pain, who are desperately trying to get something across to a bloke denser than a concrete block. You're an idiot, Harris. A bloody idiot."

Xander was confused. Had he been insulted? He was never sure at the moment. Spike was up and down like a yo-yo and he was having a hard time keeping track of which incarnation was present.

"Anya? She's fine. She's just a little sore, yanno? Seeing the budding romance between Wills and Kennedy. Seeing you and Buffy mend your fences, or whatever the hell it is that you're doing. She's just a little down."

"Yeah, and madly in love with you, desperately trying to find out if you give a fig about her. End of the world doom and gloom, always brings out the romantic in people."

"Oh yeah, whatever you say, Romeo," snorted Xander, earning a glare from the vampire.

"Yes, I do say so. If memory serves, I do remember hearing about some dense idiot who actually decided to propose during an apocalypse. Of course, it didn't end well, but the tosser wasn't really known for thinking things through."

Xander glared at Spike for what seemed like an eternity.

"No, I don't get it," he said with a slump of his shoulder.

"She loves you, for some reason that it totally beyond my comprehension. She loves you, and you have yet to really explain why you thought dumping her at the alter, and then dating her would be such a damn good idea. You getting it yet?"

"Oh," said Xander, before the penny dropped. "OH! But I did! I told her I couldn't commit, I told her…oh, crap."

"Yes, oh crap. Talk to the girl, for God's sake. Do something right by the lady, she deserves it."

Xander turned to find his ex-fiancé, but stopped short when a thought occurred to him.

"Why do you care?"

"Don't worry, I don't care about you. I'm only saying it for Anya's sake. She's a decent bird, and she's been through enough recently."

Xander shot Spike a quick look of distain.

"I'm leaving now. And even though I am following your advice, I want you to know I still hate you." After getting a nod from Spike, he continued. "And I find your concern for my girl…ex-girlfriend to be pretty unsettling, considering your past history. You so much as touch her and I'll..."

"Yeah, yeah," interrupted Spike with a wave of dismissal. "Whatever you say. You know damn well I don't want her like that. Stop trying to change the subject. Get to it, before she puts the cold cream on, and you can't face her."

Xander nodded and quickly made a run up the stairs to where he knew Anya would be camped out for the night. Spike just grabbed a packet of blood, deciding it wasn't even worth heating, and made his way to the basement and some peace and quiet.


	3. Learn a Lesson Everyday

TITLE: "Stone by Stone" Chapter Three - Learn a Lesson Everyday  
AUTHOR: Elise D.   
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle.   
SUMMARY: Season Seven, Buffy and Spike exploration. Building up stone by stone.   
SPOILERS: Spoiler free, do I get a cookie?   
RATING: PG-13.   
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples.

---

Buffy wasn't ready for bed. If she were perfectly honest with herself, she'd never be ready. Not with her father figure snoring in the dining room, and her former boyfriend…lover...vampire…whatever he was, was pacing in the basement.

She knew him well enough to know that he was pacing. She could almost picture him, if she put her mind to it. He'd be rehashing their conversation, wondering if he should have held her hand, patted her back, thrown her down and…whoa, down girl. Not going there. Working on a friendship, remember? Oh God, that really wasn't what she was remembering. It was going to be a damn long night. 

---

  
Spike just couldn't stop pacing. If he stood still for a mere minute, his mind wandered right back to the porch and the conversation with his Slayer. He could go right back there now, assuming she hadn't kipped in for the night. He could go out there, and tell her the truth. That no matter how hard he fought it, he's always on the verge of kissing her. Always wanting to tell her that he loves her. Always wanting to just…well that brought up a memory he could have done without. His sodding soul wasn't giving him a minute's peace. What was the point in getting it, if he was going to mope around all the time? God, another fine mess he'd gotten himself into. 

---

Giles was going to scream bloody murder. He could hear his Slayer pacing upstairs and he could hear the resident vampire in the basement, kicking the walls and muttering to himself. What good is having a carpenter in the fray, if he couldn't bloody well soundproof the house? God knows with all the girls and their boots, it was a pretty sound idea to consider. He'd have to remember to broach the subject with Buffy in the morning.

He sighed and rolled over, trying to find a comfortable position that would somehow at least block out the sound in one ear. If those two couldn't work something out somehow, he'd knock their heads together. A man can only take so much of the sexual tension, and stolen glances. And he was pretty sure Xander and Anya were using up all of his patience with just that. He needed a break from the hormone-addled adults (and demons, he amended) in the house. And Buffy needed to sort out her feelings, without the pressure from Spike. He was pretty sure that he was keeping his distance, but with Spike, one never knew. As long as there were no cattle prods involved. He hoped to God the vampire had learnt his lesson from that one. Stupid pillock.

  
---

Buffy studied her reflection in the mirror. She was looking healthier these days, and she was glad. Last year had been too damn much for her, and the effects had shown. Spike had continually pointed it out, and she'd blatantly ignored it. God, she had been so cruel to him. He hadn't deserved it, not really. God forbid someone actually show concern for her. He wasn't involved in her resurrection, yet the only punishment had been doled out on to him. She'd dished it all on him. Her frustration, all of her resentment towards everybody else, she'd been vicious.

Rubbing her eyes, she began pacing again. How could she have been so cold to everybody last year? Especially Spike, who'd been the only one who could empathize with her trauma. He'd been there, he knew, and he tried to help. And then everything got so messed up, so fast, and she knew she'd caused the majority of it. Catching another look in the mirror, she frowned. She wasn't that person any more, was she? She really hoped not, because he didn't deserve any of it again. And he wasn't the same person he was either. But they were, right? Or at least, they had all the memories and feelings…and urges, can't forget those pesky urges of hers.

God, things were so messed up. She flopped down on the bed, staring at her ceiling. She wasn't in love with him, but she did have feelings for him. Feelings that ran a lot deeper that she'd ever admitted to anyone, especially Spike. It wasn't love though. She'd had that with Angel, and her feelings for Spike were completely different. They ran differently, deeper really.

She sat bolt upright with shock. No. No, no, no. She wasn't that stupid…was she? What she had with Angel was love. Just because what she had with Spike was different, didn't mean it was a different kind of love…did it? She flopped back down again. She was obsessing over different, and couldn't stop thinking the word. God, why couldn't things be simple? Just black and white, so she knew where she stood. Of course, things in the demon world weren't black and white, so why should her love life be any different? Especially when the love life actually involves one of the demons that lived in the grey area. So she now doubted her own feelings. Well, she wasn't called Denial Buffy for nothing. Who knew what she was really feeling at the time? She sure as hell didn't, things had been so crazy.

Glancing at the clock, she realized she'd been wrestling with her subconscious for over two hours. There wasn't even any point in trying to sleep now. She should just go downstairs and grab something to eat. But she wasn't really hungry, so what was the point? Well, she could pop down to the basement and see if Spike was up for a breakfast run before sunrise. That would work, right? She could use the company. Yeah. Pretty straightforward, as friendly activities go. It was nothing painful or overly complicated, and it was free of any innuendo. This was a doable plan.

---

Spike had not been brooding - make no mistake. He was simply pondering his unlife when the Slayer came down the stairs to talk to him. No matter what she said, he had not been brooding. He wasn't brooding now at least, as he had been designated as cart pusher, around the all-night supermarket. He led the strangest life. A vampire that was getting groceries with the Slayer, to feed a houseful of potential slayers. Not to mention a watcher, killer witch, former key, former demon/current capitalist…and a bricklayer. Just weird, no matter which way you sliced it.

He just watched the Slayer, as she bit her lip in indecision of which cereal to buy. Surely her life should be a little more than this. Killing at night, and nursemaid by day? It didn't seem right, or fair. And the sideways glances she kept stealing worried him. Did she expect him to suddenly vamp out and go on a killing spree? It had to be something like that, because every time he caught her eye, she got flustered. Not good, not good at all. She still didn't trust him, did she? Marvellous. Just pigging marvellous. There was no way he could win. 

"Count Chocula. It just seems right, doesn't it? Plus sugar rush? Gotta help with these late riser types. Less grouch in the kitchen?" Buffy babbled, as she added a couple of boxes to the cart. 

"Well, I think they'll see the funny side, and if it keeps them off the Wheetabix, then I'm all for it," agreed Spike with a smile.

They continued wandering down the isles, as Buffy would occasionally stop to browse the produce, and Spike would browse her. Her body language was so relaxed, confusing Spike. She was sending more mixed signals than she used to, and that had been too much as well.

"Brooder," she said, knocking him from his reverie. 

"I am not. I was just wondering if we had enough milk. For the cereal, that's all," responded the indignant vampire. Pushing the cart back into motion.

"Oh, lighten up, Spike," said Buffy, nudging his shoulder with her own. "I was kidding, I swear."

They continued walking in silence, Spike debating whether he should chain himself up again, to prove his trust to her in some way. Buffy was still thinking bad, confusing thoughts, and she didn't know what to say.

"This is nice, Spike. Just doing something normal," was all she could settle with.

"Love? Vampire here, nothing normal about it," he replied with a smile.

Buffy gave a very unladylike snort, before biting her lip again. Spike sighed. This was obviously causing her a lot of stress. She didn't deserve it.

"Look, Buffy…"

"I think I might be in love with you," she blurted out. She turned to face him, her eyes wide with fear and horror at her own brain's betrayal. "Heh, that really wasn't supposed to come out quite like that," she added, with a sheepish grin.

Spike dropped the milk on the floor, not caring as it puddled at his feet.  



	4. Good Times, Bad Times

TITLE: "**Stone by Stone**" Chapter Four - Good Times, Bad Times.  
AUTHOR: Elise D.   
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle.   
SUMMARY: Season Seven, Buffy and Spike exploration. Building up stone by stone.   
SPOILERS: Spoiler free, do I get a cookie?   
RATING: PG-13.   
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples.  
NOTES: Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback guys! You're keeping me inspired :)

---

"Christ alive, I think I may be having a stroke," said Spike just before he felt his knees begin to buckle. Leaning against the shopping cart, he took an un-needed breath to steady his nerves, and avoided all eye contact with the woman next to him. This was not an alternate universe. No it wasn't, that much he knew. This also wasn't some wacky dream of his. The wetness in his boots, and the queasy feeling in his gut made it clear that he was totally conscious. Plus she hadn't proclaimed her undying love and promptly whipped off her clothes. Not to mention the setting…no, not a dream. So this was really happening, then? She'd actually told him that she had serious feelings for him, feelings that might include love? It was just too much to take in.

Buffy stood to the side, nervously wringing her hands, desperately trying to come out with something else. She couldn't get over her own stupidity. This was _so_ not happening. Not in a Sunnydale grocery store in the middle of the night. She had a stupid mouth with no sense of timing. She just couldn't have waited until they got home, could she?

"I...um...no. I'm tapped out. I still have _no_ idea what to say," said Spike finally, shaking himself from the mild case of hysteria. "You've kind of taken me by surprise with this, love. No offence. Mind telling me what brought it on in the first place?"

Buffy's eyes dropped to the floor. Oh God, not the explaining part, _please_? She hated the part where she had to talk about it. Then again, that's been the problem, hasn't it? Maybe it's time to get over it. No. No maybe about it, she had to, for both their sakes. This was an era of open honest Buffy, whether she liked it or not. She couldn't go back to the actions of last year. She couldn't. It would destroy her, and Spike. Who knows who else. She couldn't go back there. She wouldn't. It was just so hard, though.

"It was something and nothing. Look, can we walk and talk? I might be able to get all this out easier. Less manic Buffy, more sensical Buffy. You might get better answers from me, if I'm distracted"

"Okay, sure," said the hesitant vampire, before resuming their journey down the fresh produce isle. There was near silence for a while, except for the squelch of Spike's boots, as he unconsciously clenched his jaw and held back the million and one questions that were running around his head. Buffy on the other hand, seemed to be having a silent argument with herself, and it was a toss-up as to who might be winning. When she frowned slightly, Spike knew that things were going to get ugly.

"Look, I don't want to take back I said, but I want to make sure you heard me clearly," began Buffy cautiously.

"You said you "think". Don't worry Slayer, that part came out loud and clear," replied Spike curtly, causing Buffy to frown at his tone.

"You're mad at me, I can tell"

"No, m'not," said Spike with a slight huff.

"Are too! You're totally annoyed with me, aren't you?"

"I. Am. Not. Christ."

"Yes! Yes you are. I've been honest with you, and it's pissed you off. Typical!"

"I'm not! Bloody hell, woman, listen to yourself. You don't think I might need a few? Maybe give a bloke a chance to absorb your little confessional? God knows you couldn't have timed it better if you tried," he noted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh no. Don't you get all high and mighty with me, you stupid vampire," Buffy snorted. "I didn't mean to just blurt that out. I was just thinking, and the next thing I know…"

"You're knocking me for six, and getting all snotty when I don't immediately fall to my knees with thanks, that's what. This is just _so_ like you. You express an emotion and the world has to bloody stop. All hail Queen Buffy!"

"Hey! That's not fair. I didn't mean for it to happen this way, and I didn't mean to confuse you."

Spike snorted, and Buffy rolled her eyes, narrowing them sharply at her opponent.

"Yes, because you would never consider confusing a bloke, or give him mixed messages, would you?" said Spike, his voice shaking slightly.

"Well, if you're going to be a child about it..."

"OH! So I'm a child now, as well as a stupid vampire? Charming. It's nice to know you think so highly of the man you might love. And might I add, I'm not the one who just stomped my foot, having a little hissy fit," he added with a smirk.

"Hissy fit? Why you…you're totally wrong. Totally."

"You petulant little..."

"Hey!"

They stared at each other, the anger and passion coming off them in waves. Anyone with an ounce of sense wouldn't try to get between the couple right now. The store manager had approached the isle, after hearing the disturbance, but had quickly stopped, when he saw the two young people who had been engaged in such a heated argument. The air surrounding them was electric. The minutes passed, as vampire and slayer faced off, when finally Buffy's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"You're right, I'm wrong. I'm sorry. God, why do we always end up fighting? It's not right, us doing this all the time," sighed the slayer with a shake of her head. This was going all wrong, and she didn't want to screw it up.

Spike simply raised an eyebrow at her.

"Do you really need me to answer that, right now?" he asked.

Buffy shook her head again, knowing full well what he'd tell her. "It's the passion, love." He'd told her. That was before. Back when he still tried, and she still resisted. This time it was going to be different. It was going to be better, even if it killed her. Or hopefully not, as she really didn't think dying would solve anything. Hey, check out optimist Buffy!

"It's just…hell, I'm just as confused over this as you, alright? And it doesn't mean anything. Well, it does, it just means I have to think, and I hate that. Not the thinking, just the whole having to decide what it means, if anything, because it might not. I mean, we've been through a lot, and maybe we're better off like this, just friends, yanno? Who needs to make that more complicated…?"

A hand on her shoulder quickly put an end to the verbal diarrhea. Buffy looked up, into the face of unconditional love, and smiled.

"Buffy, you're gibbering, love. Take a breath, okay?" said Spike. His concern for her mental well-being was pretty much tied with his eagerness to hash this out. He wasn't a fool though, and knew damn well pushing her wouldn't resolve a thing.

Buffy nodded, calming herself down, and watching as Spike looked at her with nothing short of amused adoration on his face, while his hand rubbed small comforting circles on her back. Even if she took it back right now, he'd stay by her side, wouldn't he? He'd understand her confusion and the stupid case of brain following mouth, and they'd carry on. He'd be behind her all the way, and she'd be glad of the back-up. He was totally amazing, and he didn't even try.

"No. I've changed my mind, I was wrong before when I said I thought I might love you. I do. I am, I mean. I'm in love with you."

"Oh," said Spike, his face falling, before his brain caught up with his ears. "OH? Oh. Oh, yep, I'm sure I'm having a stroke now…"

Buffy smiled and shook her head, as he mock-swooned in her general direction. She poked him in the chest, sending his body back to the locked and upright position.

"Okay, now you're being a dumbass," she said with a laugh, causing Spike to join in. "This really isn't the place I thought we'd have a such a heartfelt conversation, so how about we pay for this stuff, dump it at home and then go have a quiet talk somewhere, k?"

"Sounds good, love," said Spike, throwing an arm around his ladyloves shoulder, and steering them towards the checkout, and a fresh start.


	5. Turning Back the Tide

TITLE: "**Stone by Stone**" Chapter Five - Turning Back the Tide.  
AUTHOR: Elise D.   
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle.   
SUMMARY: Season Seven, Buffy and Spike exploration. Building up stone by stone.   
SPOILERS: Spoiler free, do I get a cookie?   
RATING: PG-13.   
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples.  
NOTE: Thanks to everybody who sent in such wonderful feedback. It was great experience writing this, and you managed to make it even better for me. 

---

By the time the overly infectious smiling Buffy arrived home with her vampire escort, the house was in full swing. Dawn was the first to notice the looks the pair kept sharing. They were "we've got a secret, and we're not ready to spill" glances, and it was driving her nuts. Oh she and her sister were going to have a nice sit down chat today, if she had to tie her up to get it. She looked over at Spike who seemed to be positively glowing, the joyous tension evident in his body language. Hmm. Maybe her sister was the wrong mark. Maybe a little needling of Spike would be a better route. He could not keep a secret, unless of course, it was about boinking her sister. Dawn paused and watched the pair again. The looks…the way Buffy seemed to be all happy and stuff…the gentle and subtle way that she kept touching Spike…oh! Oh crap, maybe she didn't want the talk after all. Some things were better left without the details. 

---

Giles studied his surrogate daughter with interest. She appeared in rather high spirits, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Well, it's about bloody time, he thought. He glanced towards the vampire who seemed eager to get the morning routine wrapped up. He was inches away from flying; his whole body was vibrating with some unknown anticipation. Of course, Giles was no idiot. He had a pretty good idea as to what the pair had been up to. At least, he assumed all they did was talk. No, that was something he'd rather not consider at this juncture. If the pair were to resume their relationship, he'd hold his tongue. He wasn't as narrow-minded as Buffy would assume, and if she were happy, he'd be buggared if he'd be the cause of any pain for her. No, let her work through this herself. She's a grown woman, and Spike _could_ be considered mature when he put his mind to it. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. They were going to cause him many sleepless nights, weren't they? 

---

Spike kept glancing at Buffy, and couldn't hold back the smiles. His whole body felt as if it were aglow, and he couldn't be happier. Well he could, if his dreams of loving declarations and nudity would ensue, but he'd be happy if they just stayed in this moment forever. She said she loved him, and he didn't even get a punch in the nose. This was a very good sign. 

---

Buffy knew he kept looking at her, and she refused to rise to the bait and peek. If she did, she wouldn't be able to hold back any longer. Just a few more people to say good morning to, and then she'd drag him into the basement. To talk, just to talk. He wouldn't want to rush it, would he? They still needed to talk after all. She risked a look at her vampire, and immediately regretted it. He was watching her, with that awe-filled smiling face of his. It was enough to make a girl want to drag him in the basement for anything but talking. Oh great, now look where her mind was. This was going to make the just talking a whole lot harder. 

---

By the time Dawn and the potentials had cleared out of the house for a mall trip, only the Slayer, Watcher, Witch and vampire were left. Willow took one look at the subtle gestures Buffy was making with her eyes, and decided a trip to the mall was an excellent idea. She grabbed her coat and rushed to catch up with Kennedy. Her best friend was starting so smarten up. About time! 

---

Giles watched as Buffy washed the last of the dishes, and Spike dried them off for her. It was an odd sight indeed, yet based on his experience with the pair he wasn't horribly surprised. It would be his Slayer and Spike who could make a basic domestic act seem so natural. Finishing off the last of his tea, he silently made his exit. He'd perhaps pay a visit to the new library, he was curious to see how that had turned out. 

---

Buffy smiled nervously at Spike when Giles left. It was show time, and she wasn't as scared as she thought she'd be. He silently took her hand and they made their way to the basement, and sat on Spike's cot. Never letting go of her hand, Spike decided that maybe he should make the start this time. After all, she'd made hell of a leap herself, just a few hours ago. 

"Look, Buffy. I know what you said, and you know how much it means to me, but if you want to wait, or not even wait and just stay…" 

Well balls. How's a fella supposed to make a noble speech about staying friends, when the girl shoves her tongue down his throat? Buffy pulled away, gasping for breath. 

"Sorry," she smiled, "I just had this crazy urge to do that." 

"Not really complaining here, love. Just want to make sure that..." 

"Oh! I am, sure that is. Totally. 110% even. Sure as sure can be," she babbled, earning a skeptical look for Spike. "No, I am. Just terrified is all. But I am, sure that is. I mean, if you want to. Oh God, I didn't even ask you! I just barged right in there with a kiss, not that it was a bad kiss, and you kissed back, but still! I'm supposed to be thinking of your feelings, and I just went and kissed you without even asking, and my God, I am such a bitch." 

The sound of Spike laughing broke up her little self-pity party. 

"You are, without a doubt, completely insane," he said with a smile. "It's one of the things I adore about you." 

Dammit. Buffy blushed. She was trying to be level-headed Buffy, and he was making it damn near impossible. 

"Buffy. If I'd wanted to stay just friends, I wouldn't have kissed you back. I certainly wouldn't have copped a feel. You know I love you, and you know I want to be with you. All I want is a promise." 

Buffy tensed. This wasn't expected. This was kind of unnerving. She doubted it would be a kinky request, but her brain was functioning with so little blood right now, she couldn't really envision another scenario. Stupid brain. 

"Okay, shoot. What's the deal breaker?" 

Spike took a deep breath. He had to work this right. Not just jump in as usual, and then regret it as soon as the words fly. He had to try a little bit of tact, Heaven help his sorry soul. 

"You have to promise me that you'll try. If things get tough, you'll stick them out, yeah? Dump on me all you want, but I am begging you now, don't shut me out and beat me down. Let me in. Let your mates in. Don't just bottle it up and take out your frustrations on whoever's handy. Last time you said it was killing you, and if I have to see you go through all that again, it will kill me." 

With that off his chest, Spike just watched his feet and waited for the explosion. After a beat, he realized nothing was happening, and looked up to find Buffy staring at him with tears in her eyes. 

"Buffy? Love?" Buffy simply shook her head, and hugged him, the tears running freely onto his shoulder. 

"Oh God. I am so sorry. So very sorry, Spike," she sobbed, as Spike gently rubbed her back, and kissed the top of her head. "I know how I was, I know I was wrong. I don't want that again, either. I want better, for both of us." 

She began to calm, and pulled away to look Spike in the face. 

"So I want a promise from you, as well." 

"Anything." 

"If you see me…falling…tell me. I don't mean just tell me, I mean stop me. Don't let me. I'll try, I swear I will, but I need to know you'll slap some sense in me, if I get too stubborn. I've been told it's a thing with me," she finished with a smile. 

"You have my word, Buffy. Bitchy Buffy is hereby banned." 

"Well..." 

"Apart from a few days a month, during which I will keep my distance like any sane man, and send you boxes of chocolates instead." 

They both laughed, the tension finally broken between the pair. 

"So, this is it then?" asked Buffy hopefully. 

"Looks that way," agreed Spike with a smirk. "Are you going to be okay breaking the news to everyone."

"Yeah," Buffy decided. "I will, as long as I have you by my side." 

"What? And miss the look on Rupert's face? Of course I'll be there," said Spike, causing Buffy to laugh again. "Care to seal the deal?" 

They shared a kiss. Sweet, and innocent, and full of love of potential. Pulling away, Buffy looked at Spike, and knew that this time things were going to be good. No, they were going to be great. She had a man by her side that knew the true meaning of love and loyalty. A man who would fight by her side, keep her safe at night, and never let her down. She'd never take advantage of that fact again.


End file.
